"He died you survived and because you survived you die everyday"

Always in a crowd yet so alone.Nobody knows, whoever does just has one thing to say " move on" everything else is still the same but then this everything else seems so different.... so new..... so weird.

                       If only you could tell people how this "everything" was everything but what you had ever wanted to have.How it is to live a life without that one person who was supposed to matter the most . How with things the way they are, make you remember the happy times but you arent happy about those happy times. How you never realise when that sweet smile turns to tears and you taste the salt instead of the sweet numb crumbs.

          How you find every possible edible item in this whole world and try to consume it in hope of consuming the anger the frustration and the never ending gloom that has spread its wings and has engulfed every strand of hope that might try to escape into your life.
    How you wish you had one of those MIB gadgets to erase your memory. How you lose the wish to even shower or dress up .The daily fight to fall asleep  that usually ended with you either in the sofa sweating profusely with what people call nightmares at 4 am . And then gazing  fixedly at the rotating fan gearing up for a similar fight to gather the bones together and make them movable ready for yet another day .
     How your best friends talk about the latest crush of theirs who am sure is some handsome hunk but you never turn your head to check. How it hurts but you smile.How it tortures and yet you brave a smile ...a smile from which no one can ever find whats hidden beneath .
    How you get scared of things that you never thought would trouble you. How you find solace only in sleeping beside your ma who  is puzzled about what happened to her once brave daughter. How you haven't figured out how you'd tell your ma that you still are brave its just not the sort that would win  you bravery awards but is necessary for you to sustain .
    He died but nothing else ever died. A face that doesn't exist anymore to comfort that worried brow or smooth the wrinkles on it. A voice you'll never hear again. A joke that'll never make you laugh again. and a knot that'll take a lot of patience and time to untie .