A reason to smile

Unwanted tears fill my eyes
I just needed to sit and cry
but then
I turn around slowly
thinking how all this while
even when engulfed by untold sorrow
you managed to make me smile :)

"He died you survived and because you survived you die everyday"

Always in a crowd yet so alone.Nobody knows, whoever does just has one thing to say " move on" everything else is still the same but then this everything else seems so different.... so new..... so weird.

                       If only you could tell people how this "everything" was everything but what you had ever wanted to have.How it is to live a life without that one person who was supposed to matter the most . How with things the way they are, make you remember the happy times but you arent happy about those happy times. How you never realise when that sweet smile turns to tears and you taste the salt instead of the sweet numb crumbs.

          How you find every possible edible item in this whole world and try to consume it in hope of consuming the anger the frustration and the never ending gloom that has spread its wings and has engulfed every strand of hope that might try to escape into your life.
    How you wish you had one of those MIB gadgets to erase your memory. How you lose the wish to even shower or dress up .The daily fight to fall asleep  that usually ended with you either in the sofa sweating profusely with what people call nightmares at 4 am . And then gazing  fixedly at the rotating fan gearing up for a similar fight to gather the bones together and make them movable ready for yet another day .
     How your best friends talk about the latest crush of theirs who am sure is some handsome hunk but you never turn your head to check. How it hurts but you smile.How it tortures and yet you brave a smile ...a smile from which no one can ever find whats hidden beneath .
    How you get scared of things that you never thought would trouble you. How you find solace only in sleeping beside your ma who  is puzzled about what happened to her once brave daughter. How you haven't figured out how you'd tell your ma that you still are brave its just not the sort that would win  you bravery awards but is necessary for you to sustain .
    He died but nothing else ever died. A face that doesn't exist anymore to comfort that worried brow or smooth the wrinkles on it. A voice you'll never hear again. A joke that'll never make you laugh again. and a knot that'll take a lot of patience and time to untie .

silent thoughts

beyond time and land,
I wanted to wander hand in hand.
the flawless smile I saw so often,
always made my wrinkled brow soften.
I shared my smiles and shared your tears,
every single day spent alone feels like a year.
I know in my heart somewhere
even with you not around I'll always receive your care.

i too am a poet ;)

I CAN WRITE. Yeah right ! O.k if truth persists I have two left hands when it comes to writing for fun. With a literary quotient close to what could make a  middle school student sound scholarly and a constant mind-tongue battle that the tongue usually wins, I get  caught in the most awkward discussions ever. One such discussion being " who is the worst poet in the history of literature ? " . 

I could have easily  slipped the discussion but all I managed to blurt was " I am the worst poet ever " . After all i've read Shakespeare too. I have to have an opinion about "Literature". This however was not taken down very well by the company I keep. Thus caught in a situation  best described by the quote " chane ke jhaad pe chadana" and thee I was "Poetically challenged" yet trying my hand at a war of rhymes which I knew would lead to the most embarrassing tweets I would ever manage to make.

Here goes the series of tweets that followed that discussion .

Disclaimer: I did not want to put this up and was again coaxed into the whole idea by someone who found this funny . Hope you do the same. However if I were in your place , I wouldn't really support my own rhymes.

Warning: totally random thoughts. Use of mind / brain would simply go down the Drain.

-        He might be your knight in shining armor but don't  forget the rotten tomatar i threw were  from the khet of a puny farmer.

-        When love is in the air ...take your partner and get lost in that kumbh ka fair.

-        If your relationship turned out to be a fail jao use bhool ..dallo blind dates ke liye mail :P

-        Jab kare dil wala kisi cheez ke liye black mail......dimag lagao apna aur bhejo use jail .

-       I wud love to share that Girls FB status ka plan ..but then i dont wanna be a dhabba on my girl clan.

-        Rhyme karna is not a war .....boli janta ki leader mrs kaur.

-       Uncle chips jisse love karte hai mere lips ...why do they all add on only to my hips

-        Suno suno main nahi koi Shaitan par neend nahi aati hume under this fan Khaitan .

-        Pyar nahi hai koi khel tumko jo main lu jhel chala jayega bheja mera lene ko tel

-        I'm good i'm not THAT bad ...but tumko main jhelooo i'm not itna mad !

-        FB poochta rehta whats on ur mind ...and then it wants me to bear with it oh i'm not THAT kind

-        Life nahi hai koi sizzler ki jo aaya use de do chillar

-        Balo ko color karti ho streak se kabhi dehi hai budhiya si shakal theek se.

-        Jab ATM mein nahi ho paisa ....... tumhara pyar vyar to bus aisa vaisa

-        Twitter always asking whats happening... jab dekho tabhi koi namoona karta rehta ping

-        Ibn e batuta  dil jo tera tuta maro usko vo jhoota

-       Na hu main koi cook vook bahut garmi chadi hai to jaake dekho emmraan hasmi ki crook

-        Na jaane mere dil ko kya ho gaya ...acp ke kehne pe daya darwaza tod gaya daya

-        Dil to hai dil dil ka aitbar kya kehna ...tu hoga tota main nahi teri koi maina .

 P.S. if you've reached here , I really appreciate your patience ;)